Modesty

Do you ever see those hijabis that are business up top, party on the bottom? You know, they wear hijab but also wear skinny jeans and tight tops? And you ask yourself, "what's the point of wearing hijab if they're gonna be dressed like that?"

Confession time: I'm that hijabi.

My name is Janny and I'm a skinny-jean-aholic. (Doesn't it just roll off the tongue?) Realizing you have a problem is the first step, right?

After high school, I never really let the tight clothes go. The thing is, I don't even want to be dressed like that anymore. I never really had a problem with what I wore. I thought it was acceptable. I realized it wasn't when a friend of mine asked if I would go to the mosque with her. I said no because I couldn't go dressed like that. Then I sat myself down and questioned myself. If I can't go to the mosque dressed like that, should I even be dressed like that?

I feel naked. Aside from covering my skin, I am naked. I also see the side-eyed looks I get from other woman, secretly shaking their heads. I just give them my best "Woman, please. You don't even know me!" look and try to scare them into looking away.

I do, on rare occasions, wear abayas. And I feel beautiful. I also feel kinda awkward. I don't want to go full on abaya, though.

How 'bout I start wearing looser clothing and work my way up to full time abaya? Deal.

Whew!

After hours of trying to figure out this whole blogger thing, I have a layout that doesn't make me want gouge my eyes out. Mad respect to all you bloggers, 'cause I think I lost a few brain cells trying to figure it all out. "Why did I even try this blog thing out?" I caught myself thinking. Well, lemme start from the beginning. I once googled "abaya styles" and I happened to land across a ton of blogs. One thing led to another (this is starting to sound like a dirty affair), and I found myself following some blogs. Now, occasionally, there would be no new posts and I would have too much time on my hands. Me + a lot of time = trouble. I would find myself on a Wikipedia page about mice. I wouldn't even remember how I got there. It was like I internet blacked-out. Anywho, I'll write whenever I have time ('cause, you know, I'm sooo busy).

L8r y'all.

And yes, I speak like I'm out of a terrible 90s movie.